Tuesday, February 22, 2011

You might be a bad guest if...

Agness says:

You might be a bad guest if...
You think eating peanuts in the shell in the bed is a good idea

You might be a bad guest if...
You think pickin' your banjo on the front porch is romantic


You might be a bad guest if...
You think packing 6 people into a room with one double bed is acceptable


You might be a bad guest if...
Tossing a used prophylactic under the bed, in the nightstand and on the bookshelf is being "clever"

You might be a bad guest if...
You think arriving back at the inn at 2 am and starting a domestic is okay

You might be a bad guest if...
You think our toilets don't flush so you leave a little something there at check out

You might be a bad guest if...
At check in you think the innkeepers should give you a welcome hug

You might be a bad guest if...
You think the innkeepers are part of the romance package

You might be a bad guest if...
You interrupt the hosts 730pm family meal to ask how to walk next door

You might be a bad guest if...
You steal all the tea bags and complain that there aren't any

You might be a bad guest if...
You are upset that you can't get Hee Haw on any of the local TV stations

You might be a bad guest if...
You park diagonally across three of the four parking spaces allocated for guests

You might be a bad guest if...
Check out time is 11AM and you are in the shower at 1130AM

You might be a bad guest if...
Your flirt with the other female guests at the table in front of their husbands

You might be a bad guest if...
You talk politics and put down everyone else at the Inn

You might be a bad guest if...
You break into the amenities cupboard for more 'turn down" chocolate

You might be a bad guest if...
You tell the hosts you will arrive at 4pm, then show at 11pm without a phone call

You might be a bad guest if...
You think beer is the other breakfast drink

You might be a bad guest if...
You move the bed out from the wall so the headboard WILL bang against it

You might be a bad guest if...
No smoking at the inn means standing right outside the front door and blocking the entrance

You might be a bad guest if...
You think the innkeepers are at your beck and call (after all, you paid for your room!)

You might be a bad guest if...
You think you can bring hook-ups back from a bar

You might be a bad guest if...
You sneak in Foo Foo after all she is people too!

You might be a bad guest if...
You argue with the innkeeper that using Mama's credit card for this internet fling is okay

You might be a bad guest if...
Your grandmother had died, again

You might be a bad guest if...
You think fruit is a furrin food

You might be a bad guest if...
You tell the innkeepers their place stinks, since they don't serve Lipton Tea!

You might be a bad guest if...
You share stories of bowel surgery at the breakfast table

You might be a bad guest if...
You walk around in your underwear, outside your room

You might be a bad guest if...
You run down in your birthday suit to go get coffee

You might be a bad guest if...
You have a loaded 357 magnum under your pillow

You might be a bad guest if...
You leave your wife as collateral to go take out a pay-day loan to pay the balance of your stay

You might be a bad guest if...
You tell the hosts you don't need any bubble bath in the jacuzzi tub to make bubbles

You might be a bad guest if...
You change the oil in your truck in the B&B parking area

You might be a bad guest if...
The one you brought with you is not the same "wife" you had with you last weekend

You might be a bad guest if...
You drink light beer cuz you start drinking when it gets light

You might be a bad guest if...
You think the other guest room showers that are not locked mean they're for anybody

You might be a bad guest if...
You use every available bed for your fancy, if the rooms are occupied or not

You might be a bad guest if...
You skip breakfast and don't tell the innkeeper in advance

You might be a bad guest if...
You throw up in the sink and check out without a word

You might be a bad guest if...
You used all the fluffy white towels to rub the spray-on tan off before finishing your vacation

You might be a bad guest if...
The hosts put out homemade cookies and you take all of them

You might be a bad guest if...
You comment that these bathrooms are as clean as your local service station

You might be a bad guest if...
Other guests hear you yell "Hey ya'll watch this!"

You might be a bad guest if...
Your suitcase is held together with duct tape

You might be a bad guest if...
You complain about your breakfast cuz they ain't no grits!

You might be a bad guest if...
You ask your hosts where the local chapter of the KKK meets

You might be a bad guest if...
Your wife's hairdo was ruined by the ceiling fan and you are gonna sue!

You might be a bad guest if...
You spit your tobacco in a cup and leave it on the nightstand for housekeeping

You might be a bad guest if...
You lock your kids up in the room so you and hubby can go out on a date

You might be a bad guest if...
Smoking pot out on the patio makes you "environmentally friendly"

You might be a bad guest if...
You think plated breakfast means grab your own plate for the buffet

You might be a bad guest if...
Your bring your sweetheart flowers you just picked in the cemetery

You might be a bad guest if...
You turn the heat on high, the fireplace logs on and the a/c to cool it all down to "ambient"

You might be a bad guest if...
You ask the innkeepers what they did before they "retired"

You might be a bad guest if...
You leave your Rottweiler in the back of your pickup parked out back overnight

You might be a bad guest if...
Lace panties means wearing the nightstand doilies

You might be a bad guest if...
You call the innkeepers at 3am to ask where the liquor store is

You might be a bad guest if...
You follow your GPS into no mans land, down dirt roads for miles then accuse the Inn of giving you bad directions

You might be a bad guest if...
You take a few "mementos" to remember your special getaway

You might be a bad guest if...
You ask the Host if his wife is allowed to date?

You might be a bad guest if...
You leave the yellow stripper pole up in the room when housekeeping arrives

You might be a bad guest if...
You call from another state saying you can't find the inn

You might be a bad guest if...
You warm up your Harley for an hour at 3am ready to hit the road early

You might be a bad guest if...
Your think a hot water kettle is the creamer

You might be a bad guest if...
You ask if they have naked Twister in the games cupboard

You might be a bad guest if...
You spit out blueberries at the dining table and call them Satan's spawn

You might be a bad guest if...
You think pouring boiling water from the kettle into a plastic cup will work

You might be a bad guest if...
You assume cancelling last minute due to rain is okay

You might be a bad guest if...
You are allergic to everything, and tell the innkeepers they need to strip the room of all feathers, flowers, and scents, for your check in.

You might be a bad guest if...
You think incontinence is an innkeeping cost of doing business, and leave the bed saturated

You might be a bad guest if...
Using all the white towels to mop up red wine on the carpet is smart

You might be a bad guest if...
You argue the tv does not work, because you cannot operate the remote

You might be a bad guest if...
You sleep walk and bang on the hosts door at 4am to find your son

You might be a bad guest if...
You demand 10 towels each and every time you bath

You might be a bad guest if...
You think hosting a private party in the parlor without asking is acceptable

You might be a bad guest if...
You ask if you can park your RV in the B&B parking area for a week to extend your getaway

You might be a bad guest if...
You criticize how they run the inn, from the check-in to the check-out

You might be a bad guest if...
Just before breakfast, you ask the innkeepers to go to your car to get your makeup so you won't have to disturb your husband

You might be a bad guest if...
You get the answering machine and swear at the innkeepers for not returning your call

You might be a bad guest if...
You threaten to sue the inn if they do not bow to your last minute cancellation demand

You might be a bad guest if...
You lock your son out of the room while you make whoopie to your lover

You might be a bad guest if...
You let your child sit on their feet and stand on the table at breakfast

You might be a bad guest if...
You microwave left-over fish in the dining room

You might be a bad guest if...
You call each and every day to say hello to the innkeepers, because you like them

You might be a bad guest if...
You yell over the hair dryer at 5am

You might be a bad guest if...
You use an antique walnut desk to iron your clothes and leave scorch marks

You might be a bad guest if...
You steal all the wooden hangers

You might be a bad guest if...
You use the Shams on the bed as bed pillows and leave lipstick and mascara stains

You might be a bad guest if...
You argue that the hot water is broken, even though you are turning the knob the wrong way

You might be a bad guest if...
You keep all your "soiled" laundry in the closet and nearly knock-out anyone who opens the door

You might be a bad guest if...
You like the way the bed looks made up, so decide to sleep on top of the quilts and comforters

You might be a bad guest if...
You don't ask before taking bath towels to the beach

You might be a bad guest if...
You tell the hosts "We'll be back!" and they start crying

3 comments:

  1. Loved the last line...hate to admit but I have been near tears at times.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You missed "my so and so doesn't work so I decided to fix it for you and it came off in my hand!"

    ReplyDelete
  3. You might be a bad guest if...
    You arrive at the door with two suitcases too heavy for you to carry and ask the innkeeper to take them upstairs for you, then tell the innkeeper you'll be right back because you have to get your clothes out of the car.

    ReplyDelete

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